Day 28: Choose Your Final Meal on Death Row and Make It

Well if I was on death row, my final meal would be a california pizza kitchen cheese pizza neopolitan style, a chocolate milkshake, lots and lots of chocolaty goodness in the form of cakes, cookies and brownies and some amazing popcorn or eggs or chocolate chip pancakes. Tonight I am having pizza, not the right brand/ kind of pizza, but pizza all the same and I did make chocolate chip pancakes though they didn't turn out too well. They were good, but they were more ameoba shaped than pancaked shaped. I do want a milkshake, I haven't had one of those babies in years. I don't know how I'd pick my last meal, I mean I have like 10 foods listed up there, I would also eat fries, grilled cheese, corn on the cob and various other forms of deliciousness. I'm glad I'm not on death row, choosing how I die would be hard enough (that's only if I'm in Washington, you get to pick between hanging and injection- cheery), but last meal, oy to the vey that would be a mind twister.

Day 27: Don't Say "Yankee Echo Sierra" or "November Oscar" and see how long you last

I didn't last very long. Like I made the effort and I tried really hard but I failed. They are very common words in the English language. If they had said "don't say windmill all day" I probably would have succeeded- luckily I'm not from the Netherlands and it wouldn't be a problem. But that wasn't my task, I failed at my task. You do it, don't use those fateful words, OR any synonyms and see how long YOU last. Yeah, YEAH I thought so.

Day 26: Choose What You'd Prefer to Be Reincarnated As

I have a very specific memory of my grandpa asking me that very question when I was like 12. I said I didn't know, I'd never thought about it- probably a bird. He said that he would want to come back as a sea otter. I rather like that idea- I get to be with my grandpa and I'd be a sea otter. Those guys look like all they do is swim around and be adorable. They play and have like the thickest blubber ever, so I'd always be warm. I'd like to be a sea otter in my next life. I think it'd be a good life. Some may argue that this is actually moving down in the circle of life, but I think that all creatures are equal (I was raised in California, I'm a bit of a hippy) and sea otters are no better than humans. Plus sea otters don't have to deal with taxes or driving or exams, they have to worry about like food, and finding a suitable mate... well and like predators. But really, then I could come back as something else- like a dolphin!! OOOOOo or a bird of somekind- those finches are pretty damn adorable! OR a chipmunk! all I'd do is run and eat and be cute but annoying to campers. Yes, the next life is going to be grand, I can tell. As long as I'm not some kind of bug, knowing my hatred for spiders thats probably what I'll end up as.

Day 25: Things You Wil Never Do Before You Die

Today there is a check list of like 10 million things and you're supposed to come to terms with the things you will never do before you die. I actually took the time to read each and every one of these, checking off the ones that I will not do. I was honest, realistic and totally committed. So HA. I did this one FOR REALSIES! HA! and now I will list all the things I will never do in my lifetime and I'm okay with it: climb everest (I don't really want to, its not good for you. Its true, I saw a video in enviornmental science that told us how it kills brain cells), learn italian (ha! been there done that, didn't go well), become world chess champion, rob a bank (unless I'm Patty Herset-ed, that would be bad, but I don't anticipate robbing a bank), go to heaven (this one was a technicality because I won't do that before I die and I'm not sure that I'll do it after I die either, regardless, I won't go there while I'm still kicking), WAlk to the north pole (is that even possible?), Lean Russian (I'm bad with languages in general), Live off charity (hope not), Contract and STD (not if I have anything to say about it), swallow a coin (I'm no longer two, I've passed that part of my life sucessfully coin free), spend a night in prision, start a revolution, follow this book rigorously (hhahahhahhahah), learn the periodic table by heart (yeah, why woudl I do that?), Collect stamps, work in a coal mine (I think I've got the black lung pop, cough cough), Watch all of Bergman (no idea what that is), Follow Mao's teachings, Bite the dust (metaphorically or literally unappealing), move to Japan, wear a rucksack, inject heroin (NO THANK YOU), faint with love (I'm not that lame, how incredibly arcaic and not in the good way. I'm not that kind of girl), save the world (maybe in a small way), become insensitive to suffering (never), be gay, start a cult (cults scare me), grow a beard (I just keep trying and nothing happens!!), master the yo yo (dangerous weapon), become a fitness instructor, apply for a patent, become a rock star (I wish, especially if Mark Wahlberg is involved), live for a year on a desert island (not by choice), use the term solutionize (is that proper english?), confess to a whore (a priest, yes I might do that, not a whore), eat leaves from tress (only under dire circumstances), graffiti a highway bridge, own an owl (those things frighten me), comtemplate suicide, gamble your shirt, learn to fly (a plane would be cool, but not myself), get a tatoo, learn to live with gnats (ewwwww), invade a small country (with what army?), disinherit your heirs, Adopt a Romanian, seduce the prom queen (we didn't have one), paint someone in tar and feathers, light a fart (insert eye roll), shave off your pubic hair, smoke a cat (WHAT?), win the nobel peace prize, make love in front of a stranger, volunteer for a dangerous mission (I'm no james bond), overdose (unless its on chocolate), give birth to a goatboy (this dream was hard to let go, I would name him gilbert), win the rat race, overthrow a regime, organize and orgy, race at monaco (I would love to go to Monaco, but not race there, just take in the rays), marry someone you've never met (I could marry someone I just met, I believe in love like that. This is of course if it doesn't work out with the boyfriend), discover Atlantis, dream in black and white (I don't know how that would happen), see your face on a banknote (unless its for the country of Emalison), be eaten by cannibals (also, hopefully not), host a game show, win the lottery, sleep with your best friends partner (not in my character), start your own religion, shoot the last buffalo (NEVER, I don't think I could shoot anything besides a can), Burn your bra (why? I like my bras, they're pretty), burn your cup, find a guru, marry a prince or princess ( the good brit is taken, whats the point?), settle in Pittsburgh, run with the wolves, become pope (I'm a woman- they don’t allow that, grumble grumble sexist pigs), inherit the crown jewels, be used as a manga character, grow a tail (wtf?), crash a helicopter into the jungle (I’m not Indiana Jones), take a vow of silence (yeah, that would last long), take a vow of chastity (yeah, that would last long), go live with a hermit (they don’t seem to friendly, they’re hermits for a reason), become a muslim, become a Buddhist, become a Christian (I’m not into religion!), eradicate hepitiis C, kiss your own lips (not possible), shoot the pianist ( see “shoot the last buffalo”), invent a typeface (I’ll leave that to adam and nate), reject society (only certain aspects of society, like plastic surgery), beat bjorn borg at tennis (I suck at tennis, and photoshop), refuse a new technology, meet your great great grandchildren (I hope I’m dead by then), suffer a food gladly, sway a jury, sweep a chimney (only if Vick Van Dyke is involved), fight the power, be the 78^th person on the moon, collect coins (HEY, hasn’t that already been listed… maybe that was stamps), be called on by your president, win best looking baby of the year (missed that ship), smoke a Cuban cigar, think up a new swear word (I’m not that creative), fight a duel (look what happened to Jackson? Adams? HAMILTON. Don’t want to end up like him), jump the gun, suck on 12 lollipops at once (chubby bunny), have your own brand of olive oil (okay with that), become immortal (pass thanks, it would suck), play the lead in swan lake, catch that bird that bird that pooped on you, loop the loop (what that what?), make a pact with the devil (NEVER turns out well- Rosemary’s baby anyone?), witness mating flamingos, feel ugly (I don’t really ever feel ugly, sometimes I feel plain but not like “shield the kids bob!” ugly), walk down the yellow brick road, travel at wharp speed (looks painful), implode (good lord I hope not), swim in lake Titicaca, jump on a real bandwagon, run an arms dealership (I don’t like guns!!), sniff superglue, become a superhero (I’m done commenting, this is really long), memorize and encyclopedia, floss twice a day, go on a rampage, make you bank manager beg, lick and electric eel, broker a ceasefire, conduct and orchestra, jump ship, get drunk on meths (like meth? As in the drug? No thanks), sacrifice a goat, inaugurate a building, sleep with a whore of Babylon (not sure Babylon exists anymore), ride a yak, sup with satan (do what with satan?), bite the hand that feeds you, track down lord lucan, cause an intergalactic rift, ONLY 50 MORE TO GO!!!!, travel back in time, appease a dictator, lose your mojo, face a firing squad, gate crash the white house, burn a banknote, have the midas touch, trigger and avalanche, cure the common cold, own an oil field, save the whale, you probably don’t care anymore and stopped reading ages ago, discover a new continent (I think they’ve all been discovered), precipitate the decline of the west, mate with another species, become possessed, surpass, understand or look like Einstein, predict an eclipse (its not too hard, I’m just lazy), participate in the Olympics, catch a shark, meet your maker, commit arson, talk dirty to a flower (I’m more into humans), spot the invisible man, head a posse, undergo emergency liposuction, do the Rubik’s cube, betray your country, change astrological signs, bring back bambi, join the French foreign legion, achiever perfection ( I don’t want to be perfect), win top prize for your Verruca, channel lava away from a village, grow a third nipple, witness the Big Bang (already happened folks), gerrymander, molt, die of hard work, run amok, discover your ancestor is Napoleon, successfully crash land a jumbo jet, riddle while Rome burns, run out of tears, howl at the full moon, give rise to a cause célèbre, part the red sea, have sex with your clone, know the truth about JFK, wave a red flag at a bull (BAD idea), rule the world.

PHEW, I told you it was like 10 Million, and those are only the ones I’ll never do.

Day 24: Barter Day

I'll give you 10 Disney Princess blank CDs (if you know how much I love these cds and Disney princesses you will realise what a big deal this is), my chapstick (also dearly loved) AND my Grey's Anatomy Calender (Seriously, most prized possesions here) if you give me a magical potion that makes it so I never have a migraine again. If you guarentee that I never have another headache period, I'll give you my entire collection of Gilmore Girls (like SERIOUSLY, that like is my saving grace in hard times). Anyone? Anyone?


Basically: Migraines are the bane of my existance and my mother told me to take it easy today, so no bartering for Emma, just social reclusion and never ending pain.

Day 23: Plastic Fantastic

Today I was... supposed to go to a plastic surgeon to see what they would change about me and how much it would cost. I don't want to subject myself to that kind of horror thanks. So I, once again, pass on the days event. But seriously? do I really want to waste my time hearing about how ugly I am and what they can do to make me look like Barbie? Now don't get me wrong, I love Barbie, but she's a doll, I have no desire to look like a doll, I'm perfectly happy looking like a person. I don't want to hear
about the botox I need to ward off impending wrinkles or the collagen I need to make my lips a little more poutey and I really don't want to hear about how bigger boobs will improve my life. I'm not that self deprecating, I certainly don't have that low of self esteem and I think that if I got breast implants my mother would be highly disappointed in me and my boyfriend would dump me. I would be lonely and ugly and only attract the kind of man I loathe. Furthermore, I'm in university, I have expenses! I don't' need to spend 15,000 dollars to get my legs lypoed! I need to spend 15,000 dollars on my education! ugh, oy to the vey what has this world come to. I'm not going to do this, in fact, I refuse to do this!!! I refuse play into this crap idea that we need to better ourselves and that age is disgraceful. I mean, I don't think that I need work done, that is one smoking babe as far as I'm concerned. Yes, I am mugging the camera and yes I did only get two hours of sleep the night before but I see nothing wrong with that person there. As Christina Aguilera says "I am beautiful." Fuck plastic surgery.

Day 22: 10 Years Time

Today I filled out a formal agreement to meet someone in 10 years time. I've always wanted to make promises like this. Its so "From Here to Eternity" or something like that. I'm going to meet them (them being my current boyfriend, this is in case we break up or fate comes between us) on January first at 8 o'clock PM in the place that we met. We will be wearing fake noses and glasses, just in case we've changed beyond recognition. This has the potential to change my life. Say we do get separated or break up for some stupid reason and we re meet and I'll get to see what my life would have been like. What could have been. If we're still together, it will be a testament to our relationship. We'll stand there and say "ten years, wow" and get the chance to reminisce about tissues, cookies and popcorn, the house, snow and our epic first Halloween. It'll be good. I'm looking forward to this one. Mark the date.